Wednesday, May 16, 2007
Random: It was a nice shot. But my leg wasn't caught in the air
Random: This was in the air. GGC's
Random: The about-to-kick photo. Zheng Hui's
Random: He may look gay
Random: But look, gay shot. Hazim's
Random: Didn't really take any photo during jamming session with BAND BUBUR. LOL. This was the only one. Khalis'I'm too moody to do anything now but I'll try to be ecstatic with my brief writing. Yesterday, played soccer with, let me see, Hazim, GGC, Zheng Hui, Paul, Amrit and a number of sec 2 boys. It was fun, soccer have always been fun.
Afterwards when jamming at TIET studio with Khalis, Isa and Hilmi. Unfortunately, Muhaimeen didn't make it as it's almost impossible to contact him. I came late with Khalis as he ended school at 2.40, and the thing started at 3.00, great. Anyways, it was a quick but good jamming session. Played Gayfriend(Our version of Girlfriend), I Don't Love You, Keep Your Hands Off My Mum(Our version of KYHOMGirl), Pencinta Wanita(LOL), Street of Uptown, Only One, some random Iron Maiden's song, Perfect, Mungkin Nanti, Andaiku Tahu and this Malay song which goes something like this, "Seribu bintang di langit, kini menghilang" by Zaibo i think. Yea, it was a great session but the time lasted fast. So, went to Vivo's Banquet to eat the All-Star Cockles Char Kueh Teow. Then, as you know, I went home.
I was freaking moody these few days and today really strucked me most. I had gotten into trouble with my form teacher. So here it is, she asked me to pass around the Flag Day form. I was too moody and emo that I had forgotten and ignored everything including this. She asked back for it and it was empty and crushed. CRUSHED. Not really crushed but crumpled. I didn't realise the paper was in my beg all along. So, she had this "I lost my hopes in you" face... and the best part is not that... she gave the form to the teacher in charge and said, "Here you go, I gave this form to my team captain and he this and that bla bla bla", knowing I was behind them. Bitchiness laahh. It was my fault but she could just slap me or tell it to my face.. ohhh nevermind, so now, how shall I face her every morning when she gives me the class register?? Just sack me lahhh, I longed for it.
And to add on it, my results... err, dissapointing, utterly. I thought the papers were okay.... but this is what I get. So what if I think the future papers' difficult(it will be)? Worst? No mercy in marking man. One careless mistake, 0 out of 5. AHHH, I'm dissapointed. And Johnathan is inhuman. (A)s for sciences, english, maths. The guy who sits beside me who plays Pokemon on his Nintendo DS is able to attain this, I'm happy for him.
So, if you wanna witness the best of both worlds, have a look at us. On one side(Johnathan) there's this hardworking guy who treat A Maths practices as his hobby, favouritised by teachers and is one happy chap. While on the other side(Me), there's this laid back, "corrupted" guy who treat sleeping in class as a hobby and never fails to day dream.
"How much you get?" "64" "YEA! I GOT HIGHER THAN YOU! *sticking tongue out" That was the occasional incident i'd been through these few days. Immature, childish or whatever you call it. And, it was from my closer friends in fact. It seems everyone's feeling good about themselves by faulting someone or to catch a person who score lower than you. At least something like a, "Okay.. nevermind.. work harder next time okay?"????
I regret. I regret on not finishing most of my assignments. I regret on day dreaming. I regret on wasting too much precious time. I regret on not having that much interest in studies. I regret on underestimating the papers. I regret on jamming a little too much at times (maybe a little). I regret on not clearing my thoughts for certain subjects. I regret on so much more.
So, I've promised myself. Starting from Saturday onwards(procastinating) or after the sec 3 camp, I'll do my work everyday and practice every single thing again and again. I'll be a good boy. I'll arrange my time appropriately. I'll limit myself on using the computer for 2 hours. I'll satisfy all my teachers' needs. I'll pay more attention and be closer to God to seek for forgiveness and help. And lastly, I hope that I won't lose anyone's, especially teachers', trust, again.
I really hope that my teachers will get to read this coz it's a mission impossible for me to confess straight up their faces. Yea. Amin.
So now, how I wish my parents were here back from a really long long business trip to our neighbouring countries. It had been 2 years. How I wished my parents were here to ground me and force me to study. They expected me to take care of myself and trusted me to study hard and do well, but, without them knowing, I failed to fullfill their wishes, intentions and expectations. How I wish I could get a tutor. I've been disabled without a tutor or any form of tuition since I was born and I realized that tutoring's relevant for my progress. I've been self studying all the way, with unfinished thoughts in my mind. So, a tutor would be great.
Ah, all that I had left is the trust in myself. I hope I will not lose it as it will lead to cutting self, drugs, smoking and worst of all, suiciding. I will work hard and progress rapidly, I hope so. So, you, don't worry about me. Okay, maybe a little. Nevermind, I do not deserve the sympathy coz all in all, it's my bad. So now, Ms Mah and Mr Teo and all those worried teachers will pay lots of attention on me, finally. and I'm glad that they do.
I'll be heading to the library and gym every single day, mainly to study for malay O's and other subects and for final year and start posting my malay blog and read more books. I feel so much better and confident after typing the previous ambitious statement.
Reality hits me big time screaming, "IN YOUR FACE ZAKI!"
Reality hits me big time screaming, "IN YOUR FACE ZAKI!"
At
-Wednesday, May 16, 2007-